Recently, I was trying to get somewhere. As a truck driver working for a company (as opposed to having my own running authority where I find my own loads to pull), I had to get dispatched with a load to that destination. I put in the request for this “home time” well in advance. When the time approached, I could tell that I was not going to make my destination at the requested time, and I became frustrated.
Actually, I was angry. When I contacted my driver leader about this, I was also sleepy. I needed to get rest during the day, normal working hours for most, including my driver leader. My rest was interrupted continually with various dispatches that would not work. I sent a couple rude messages (Via my truck computer! Super-cool high-speed stuff, I know!) to my driver leader until I received a dispatch that appeared to have me sitting at my current location for almost two days, and I sent another rude message to my driver leader about that. When I say “rude,” you should read “angry.”
After this last message, I lay back down on my bed (My truck has a bed in the back! Too cool, I know!) and for some reason a song popped in my head, the song I posted above [Unspoken “Lift My Life Up” @unspokenmusic]. Specifically, my favorite part of the lyrics, “Have your way in me,” were singing in my thoughts. A peace came over my body, which had been tense with anxiety and anger. I got up and responded to the ridiculous dispatch only to realize that it started the next day, not two days away as I thought. Oops. As I was accepting that dispatch, my driver leader sent me a very polite message verifying the start time for the pick-up and asking if I was reading the dispatch correctly. My response was very short, “I wasn’t, just figured it out, sorry. I just accepted the load.”
It was late in the day and my driver leader left work shortly after. Laying back down, I got to thinking about how rude I had been and how wholly inadequate my apology message was, the song lyrics still singing in my head. I needed to give a real apology. Unfortunately, I had to wait till the next morning, but this actually gave me time to think up what I hope was a very good apology. The next morning, this is the message I sent him:
B–, I need to apologize, and I’m sorry I didn’t send this yesterday as soon as I realized my mistake. I was very rude yesterday. I was angry because I knew I wasn’t going to get to my home time destination, and then I was also trying to sleep while the dispatches were coming in and wasn’t paying attention. There’s no excuse, though. The Bible says, “man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires,” (Jam 1:20 NIV84) and I was far from righteous yesterday. I’m doing better controlling my anger, but I failed yesterday. Thank you for helping me as best you were able, I appreciate your work. I hope I do much better in the future. Blessings, Temujin
What makes my angry, rude messages more foolish was before any of those dispatches came in, I prayed with my girlfriend about God guiding where I would get dispatched, because I knew it was up in the air. Instead of waiting for the dispatches with faith and trust, I gave in to the angry response. And I already knew I would not make my home time!
I often say that I am a “bad Christian” because I am so aware of how far short of the mark I fall. But my girlfriend’s pastor recently told me that I am not a bad Christian, I am a work in progress. If I was bad, that would mean God looks at me based on my works, but he does not. He looks at me based on the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, therefore I cannot be a “bad” Christian. I do still sin, though, and am in the process of sanctification, progressing toward the goal of Christ-like perfection that I will not reach in this life.
I really like Unspoken’s song “Lift My Life Up” and always raise a hand while singing it. In context with my rude anger, I realized how I need God to have his way in me. His ways are righteous, and mine are selfish. So I will lift my hands up, lift my life up, and call to God to have his way in me, to work out all my anger and turn it into peace and love and joy, especially toward others. I am, after all, Christ’s ambassador.
Blessings – Shamar Covenant
P.S. If you pass me while driving (not very difficult since I drive at 57-58mph), and you see me with one hand on the steering wheel and the other raised in the air as I sing something with almost distracting enthusiasm, I may just be singing and worshipping to Unspoken’s song. I really like that song.